These days i feel as if im meant to do something more on this Earth. Something meaningful, something that would make a difference. Something more than this plastic life, more than the nonsensical bitchings of insecure girls, or etc. The more i think about it, the more frustrated i become.
Sometimes I think back to when i was twelve, when i had that car accident. I could’ve died actually, was quite close to it. The rolling of the car down the ravine made me smash through the back window and tumble out. I could’ve broken my neck. I could’ve been paralysed if i had broken my spine. Something could’ve impaled me. But… Nope. I broke my jaw, and sure, my bone was poking through my thigh, have a metal in my leg and jaw now.. But thats about it. PLUS Thank God i don’t even remember an inkling about that ordeal. I could walk 6months after the accident, and my face is normal, i have looks that i can be happy with. I have my scars on my back, my thigh. I have a lot to be thankful for…
Now, 12 years after that accident.. I’m reminiscing it again. The second chance in life i’ve been given, i just feel like all i’ve done after that were huge-ass disappointments and cockups. I havent been thankful to Him. I havent been a good Muslim, i’ve broken nearly all His rules. I do believe in Him, and love Him. But i just have this want… To do what i want. I know its wrong and yet, i still do it. I refuse to spout all that BS about.. ‘doing it only when u feel the time is right, no point in doing it if you’re not sincere etc’.
Recently, reading all thats happening in Palestine really breaks my heart, and shocks me as a human being. I have this yearning to go there.. And help those people. I wish i had the power and resources to help. Or at least the strong will to actually go there.. But you know, this ‘yearning’ versus the actual reality that I HAVE to work, live and I do want to be safe in Singapore. I hope that if a chance came to help there, I’d be empathetic enough to step up.
